Saturday, April 14, 2012

How to survive the holidays.

do all the school uniforms on day one. Make sure they're washed, dried, mended, folded and put away before dinnertime.
Now keep the kids in the same pair of pyjamas for the rest of the holidays. (a daily change of undies and socks will be required).
Wash all the socks and undies on the last day of the holidays.

NOTE: this will only work if you don't have to go anywhere. If you have to go somewhere, see step 4.

paper plates.

Rule 1 is that every time the words "I'm bored" or "She's BREATHING on me!" or "That's MINE!" are uttered, all the children have to go pick up and put away 10 items.
Rule 2 is that apart from tidying, and sleeping, the children must play outside, on a 3 feet square piece of driveway, with one rubber ball, all day.
If it's raining, so much the better. Throw them a bar of soap.

Arrange to have a friends' kids one day, while they have yours the next.
Make sure your kids go to the friends' first. When it's your turn to reciprocate, say your kids have headlice. Glare at the other parent as though it's her fault.

NOTE: make sure you arrange this with a different friend each time.

teach the children to make Vegemite sandwiches. Let them eat all the sourgrass they can find. If anyone queries this, say the children are going for a cooking/foraging badge at Scouts.

NOTE: make sure the kids know some version of dib-dib-dob and can throw gang signs that look like Scout signals.

Using these handy tips may help you get through the holidays. If not, please address all complaints to your husband. It's his fault, too.


  1. Ah I love it. I am sitting here on the second-last day of holidays, having just been late-night shopping to get stuff for the damn lunchboxes, and WISHING I would have followed your point 1. Big stack of uniforms that not only aren't clean, but probably don't fit him anymore either.

  2. #2 I used to think paper plates would do, but since I had to still wash cooking pots I decided to just use the regular plates. but once the kids were old/big enough the dishes were their regular holiday job.
    I remember doing #1 then and still do a version of it now where I wash all my work clothes on Thursday afternoons and slop around in any old thing until going back to work on Mondays.


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