Friday, June 10, 2011

So. You want to stay married?

Things to Never Say to Your Wife

Have you put on weight?

My mum didn't make it like this. You can't even get out of this by saying "Yours is MUCH better!" because if your mum finds out, you're dead.

I accidentally taped over our wedding DVD.

That's really not your colour, is it?

I bought you a cookbook. Unless it's personally signed by Manu.

I bought you a lawnmower.

I had lunch with my old girlfriend today.

Anniversary? Today? Really?

Birthday? Today? Really?

Why can't your mum stay at a hotel?

So, what did you do all day?

Well, I married you, didn't I?

Things To Never Say To Your Husband

NEVER ask "Do I look fat in this?"
Note to husbands -- if your wife asks this quesion, do NOT say "Yes", or "Not in that, no." , or hesitate for even a split second while you think about it. In fact, if your wife springs this question on you, it's probably best to pass out on the floor as a distraction.

Why don't you just stop and ask for directions!?

Are you sure you know how to do that?

Do you think she's pretty?

I'll try anything once! Because unless you really, really, really mean it, you're going to crush his hopes!


  1. hehehe ... after 35 years of marriage ... Toni.. I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID !!!!!!! :)

  2. plus, do not tell your mother that your wife is like Milo Kerrigan if she doesn't get her morning coffee!!!

  3. And then, don't let the Milo Kerrigan-type wife TEXT HER POOR SISTER AT 6 AM to tell her all about it....
    you're lucky I love you, that's all I can say.

  4. Yes, but what DO you say when your husband says "I look ugly today", but he looks just the same as he always does.

  5. Err.... "how about a cup of tea, love?" ?

  6. Hahaha! Words to live by!!

    Why don't they teach this USEFUL stuff at school instead of all the other crap?!?!?!

    Hope you're feeling better & have a good weekend!

  7. Now there's a pre marital course begging to be established.
    My hubby's fav is
    "Do I know about this?"
    Loosely translates to "I don't listen to a friggin word you say."

  8. LOL, mum on the run, my hubbys is 'you're so secretive, you never tell me anything' also translated as 'i never listen to a single thing you say' !

  9. LOL River!! That's funny. Coz that's exactly what my husband says. "I look like crap" (but he looks the same as always). Am I supposed to say "No you don't dear ... you're as handsome as always" ??

  10. <3 Manu.

    Also yesterday I was sooo exhausted, having barely had any sleep all week. I was catching a taxi home with Joel and I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror - and it was AWFUL. Huge bags, red eyes, the works. I go to Joel, "Look how tired I look! I've never looked this tired!" And he said: "Nah, you've looked tireder than that before."


    Dumped :)

  11. ROFL, oh this is a delight to read.

    Especially the one about "try anything once". That used to be my policy on life. (except for obviously dangerous things) WIth Hubby's adventurous nature, we have discovered together that there are a LOT of things I don't want to try a second time. Like riding motorcycles, camping with or without a tent, (motels are just peachy!), sleeping in the car out bush (Too tempting for various 8 legged insect life to join us) and indian food.

  12. LOLing at your last comment!! Of course, my mind went somewhere besides camping. :P


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