When I was a teenager, I was ... well, I'll be kind to myself and say 'plain'.
I grew massive boobs at 14, and they got a lot of attention, but the rest of me was pretty uninspiring.
The boys at school, who were a fairly stupid bunch, used to call me all kinds of things, and I was one of 'those' girls who never got asked to dance and spent the evening dancing with other girls at the disco.
One day, when I was 16, I went swimming at a local waterhole with some friends, and while we were there, a bunch of yokels rocked up.
One of them, Chris, who was a few years older than me, and engaged! to be married!, called me over and asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him.
This was yokel-speak for 'd'ya wanna shag?'
I said no.
He tried his most winning tactic.
"Oh, come on," he said. "The other guys say you're a real dog but I think you'd be a good root."
Shockingly, I was not convinced by this, and said no again, and turned to walk away, and he got all pissy and called me a few other names which I won't repeat here.
After that, he would always glare at me and mutter about cock-teasers, while I could never look at him without feeling that burn of shame and humiliation.
Dog?
This is the first time I've ever spoken about that publicly. I still feel the shame, 30 years later.
I stalked him on Facebook a few years ago. He's divorced, with a drinking problem. Are you surprised?
I don't get what it is with some boys, that they have to put girls down like that. Obviously, they're shallow, insecure, immature, and all those other things, but knowing that doesn't ever take away the pain and shame of the things they say.
Seasidechik is a beautiful girl. She dresses well, she looks after herself and her family, she's bright, and bubbly, thoughtful, a loving mum, and a fantastic wife.
And today, she's nursing bruises on her soul because of some loud-mouthed gits with not a brain between them. I want to smack their heads together, force them to crawl on their knees over broken glass to apologise to her, make them cry....
... the way they made her cry. Bastards.
Oh Toni :( :( :(
ReplyDeleteI never picked you as one that had been bullied. I'm sorry that you experienced that growing up. It makes me so angry that men often default to making fun of our appearance, as though that is all we have, that we are just a wrapper, with nothing on the inside. And the worste part of it all, is that in that moment, when they say those things WE forget that we are more than what is on the outside. WE negate how strong we are on the inside, because what does it matter? People can't see strong, independant, loving,intelligent, they just see what is on the outside.
Thank you for posting this, I realise how painful it must have been to put out there for everyone to see, and I appreciate it more than words could say.
Things like this, they stay forever, regardless of how much we change or grow.
I can't stand the way a small minority of moronic people can have such an impact on our self image. (Self included)
ReplyDeleteFor every bunch of fools like those guys, it takes a LOT of positive energy to redress the balance in our heads - unfortunately.
Warm hugs to you chicks and cold glares to idiots like that.
A moron like that has to use harsh words to bully people into getting what he wants as clearly he does not have charm or personality. You are clearly the bigger person as you rejected his advances. Good for you Toni, for that you should hold your head high!
ReplyDeleteThanks to all of you --
ReplyDeleteI reckon the best revenge is a life well-lived, and I'm revenging for all I'm worth!
Hope you all are too.
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