Tuesday, September 21, 2010


You know how some things are just too big and scary to talk about? It's like the words and their meanings get jammed in your mouth and you can't quite spit them free.
Yeah. Having that trouble now.

I want to cry. I want to run a thousand miles away. I want to go to sleep and wake up and it's Wednesday morning and everything is fine.

Because on Tuesday, my tiny 5 year old Princess has to have a popcorn kernel removed from her ear under sedation and I don't know what's going to happen.
But I am imagining big.

I have kissed a child for the last time and left his body behind in a hospital before. Left with empty arms and broken heart.

And it isn't enough to say "Lots of kids have this done and they are fine" because I've had the freaky one-in-a-million chance of things going wrong before.

I am scared half out of my head and I don't know what to do.


  1. I wish there was something I could say to make this situation better. But alas, I am merely an 18 year old with no previous experience in a matter such as this. But I can tell you that I am praying for you and your daughter and I hope beyond hope that things turn out for you both.


  2. Oh sweetie, big hugs. Holding you and your sweet girl in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love and healing vibes coming your way. xoxo

  3. I'm sending you big hugs and love.

  4. Toni please don't worry.....little Katie is going to be just fine
    I KNOW...I am sending sooooooo many hugs your way xxxx

  5. Toni, it's Wednesday here now, and I'm betting your little girl is just fine.

  6. Hi River -- her op is next Tuesday. Long time to wait.

  7. Toni, no words that i can say will take away your fears, but just know that there are a whole lot of "US" out here that are thinking of you and wishing we could be there in person to help you through this xxxxxxxxxx

  8. That does seem like an awful long time to wait. Can't you just float it out with some castor oil or something? Is it in too deep for that?

  9. Joining the circle of support xx

  10. Argh, oh no!! I'm so sorry to hear this. I read that your MIL has been really reassuing, thank goodness. I can't wait to hear from you that everything is okay.

    I'm not even going to ask how a popcorn kernel got lodged in your sweet little miss's ear, am I... ? x


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