Sunday, March 20, 2011

well, shut my mouth

I just spent an hour on the phone whinging and bitching to my sister. Hey, what are sisters for, right?

The topic of conversation the rant was the censorship of my blog.

You see, I keep writing posts and then having to delete them, because I am being heavily censored at the moment. There is a huge amount of stuff (like, my life) that I can't write about, and I'm so paranoid now that even light topics of conversation cause me to go through mental gymnastics and in the end, I mostly decide it isn't worth the bother.

This explains why I haven't been posting regularly for a while.
I've even been thinking I should just shut my blog down. It's quite painful coming here day after day and not being able to post the truth.

And I can't even tell you who or why or what's happening, so I probably just sound a little mental.


Well, I feel a little mental, to be honest.
This is MY BLOG.
MY space.
A place I've made for myself, where I'm supposed to be allowed to express myself, and get to know what I think and how I feel.
I'm feeling pretty frustrated and annoyed that my blog has become yet another victim of The Past.

I know most of that will make no sense, and I'm sorry. But I'm not allowed to talk about it.


  1. I'm sorry to hear you can't express yourself honestly in your space. That sucks.

  2. It's sad to hear that you can't be free to honestly express yourself in the space you've created to do just that. It sucks having to put limits on your self like that. If you ever need someone (mostly) impartial to talk to, let me know.

  3. Hope it all works itself out very soon. Emancipation of the mind is the hardest state to achieve. xx

  4. That sounds sucky!! Can you just set another one up and not tell 'those' people. I'm sure you've already thought of that. Sorry you are in such a frustrating situation :( Caz

  5. You're right. This is YOUR blog and this is YOUR space. Sadly though we have narrow minded people in this world that feel they need to judge us either for what we are doing in the present or for what we have done in the past.
    my motto - this is my life and I will live it the way I see fit. DO NOT judge me until you walk in my shoes and walk through all the shit I have to walk through on a daily basis and then maybe I will let you judge me.
    Don't let others judge you or make you feel bad. Who are they and what makes them so perfect anyway......

  6. I'm so sorry to hear this, Toni. I feel sad that you feel censored in a space you created only for you. People are so darn judgey!!

    Why not create a separate blog and email the link out to those of us who would like to read your truth?


  7. Toni, i am being a bit simplistic here or a bit naive, it occurs to me that if PEOPLE dont like what you write on your blog...... THEN DONT LOG IN AND READ IT ?????? NO-ONE IS FORCING YOU!!!!!! makes good sense to me

  8. There's a lot to be said for anonymity (which is also very hard to spell correctly!!). But even though mine's anonymous to most, some family and friends still know who I am. I've tried not to let it affect my writing, but sometimes self-censorship restricts what I write.

    Hope you resolve your dilemma!

  9. Your advice on choosing wisely before you 'out' your blog makes sense now.... I'm staying anonymous. Hope everything is okay and you get you 'you space' back.


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