Monday, January 30, 2012

Dads. You gotta love 'em.

Somewhere in a mans' DNA, there is a DAD JOKE GENE. It hasn't been mapped yet but when it is it'll be found near the FARTING IN BED GENE.
I THINK it only activates when a man becomes a Dad, but I can't be 100% sure. Feel free to add evidence for or against that theory.

Anyway, you've all had Dads, right? and most of you have husbands. So how many of these sound familiar?

When driving past a cemetery, a Dad will ALWAYS say, "Hey look! that's the dead centre of town!"

OR "People are dying to get in there!"

When driving past black & white cows, a Dad has to say, "It must be cold out there, those cows are Friesian!"

When you ask, "Where are we, Dad?", a Dad has to say, "In the car."

When an emergency service vehicle goes past with sirens going, a Dad has to say, "You're not gonna not sell many ice creams going that fast!"

When driving past someone washing their car, a Dad has to say, "You can do mine next, if you want!"

or this humble offering, which never fails to amuse the kids. (not)

"Dad, I'm hungry"
"Hi, Hungry, I'm dad!"
"Dad! I'm serious!"
"Hi, Serious! I'm Dad!"

Or when you're struggling with something, a Dad asks "Can I give you a hand?"
You say "Yes." and then he starts a slow clap.

Or you stumble and a Dad will say, "Have a nice trip?"

If you have a sore toe or foot, a Dad will say, "Better call a TOW TRUCK!"

Or he answers the phone by saying, "Hello? Statue?" OR "City Morgue, you kill 'em, we chill 'em." or any number of variations on the theme.

When hearing someone in a restaurant drop glasses or crockery, a Dad says "Sack the juggler!" or "TAXI!"

After a meal, a Dad says, "Well that was nice, what's for dinner?"

A Dad will watch you add gravy to your dinner and say, "Do you want some food to go with your gravy?" EVERY. TIME.

When you say you have something in your eye, a Dad will say, "Yeah, it's your finger."

When you ask a Dad to make you a cup of tea, he will wave his hands over your head and say 'ABRACADABRA! You are now a cup of tea!'

When you ask, "Where's the bin?" a Dad will say, "I haven't been anywhere!"

When you ask for $50, a Dad will say, "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"

And you know what? no matter how much kids groan and roll their eyes, there's something very comforting and reassuring about Dad jokes. Which is a good thing. Because they sure aren't funny.


  1. Agreed.
    I feel it's always there, lying dormant.
    Then fatherhood just kicks it into overdrive.
    Corny, pathetic - but so lovable.

  2. I never heard any of these from my dad, (guess it's not a German thing), but at one time or another I heard all of them from my first husband and his brothers, occasionally from his dad. The something in my eye one was always answered with yes it's your eyeball.

  3. ROFL. Seriously. I am laughing hard. Heard most of them before and they are so incredibly STUPID that they're just plain HYSTERICAL! But maybe that's because my husband doesn't use any of those jokes and perhaps I miss them.

  4. I kinda found these funny! HA can't wait to try them out though

  5. classics. i can still hear my dad doing the "you can do mine next if you want" and the old "what's for dinner?" ah great times. joel also busted out a shocker when we saw a bunch of feral cows roaming around an archery camp - "look, moooooving targets". shocking.


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