Wednesday, July 21, 2010

the worst day

Not the best day of my life.
But not the worst, either. THAT was exactly 14 years ago today, when I woke up in the morning with a healthy, happy 48 day old baby, and before lunch, was sitting in a doctors' surgery trying to come to grips with the fact that the baby was now dead.
After that one, came the funeral - pretty close second - and really, everything else pales by comparison.
For the first time in 10 years, I'm living again in the town where it all happened. I drive past the house I was living in, the surgery where they tried to revive him, the funeral home, the shop where I bought funeral outfits for my other kids (now THAT'S a surreal experience) -- and of course, the cemetery. I've been past it a few times but I haven't 'visited' yet. Later today.

I can't wait for tomorrow.


  1. Oh Toni! I didn't realise you were back where it all happened. It's all soooo sad. :(
    Thinking of you darling.

  2. Feeling your pain and wishing you did not. xxx

  3. OMGoodness Toni that would be soooo very hard.

  4. Been sitting here for ten minutes trying to think of something to say but I can't. Love you, darling XXXXX

  5. This is sad Toni. Will you have company when you visit the cemetery? I think you should have someone with you.

  6. Hi Toni,
    Im sorry you had to go through this. You and him are in my thoughts today especially. I hope you got to go out today. Hugs from me

  7. Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. You're in my thoughts and in my heart.

  8. Wish I could be there to give you the biggest hug.
    I feel every ounce of your heartache, if only I could take some of it away.

  9. I can't even imagine. Even though I don't know you, you will still be in my thoughts today. *hugs*

  10. Thinking of you darl... sending you big hugs XXXXXXXXXXXX

  11. Only just read this. My heart breaks with yours - perhaps our angels are playing in heaven's garden together. The pain never goes away.


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