fun with words

Still waiting for 'our' cyclone -- it's just started raining outside but not a breath of wind yet (happily!)

Anyway, I'm bored, so I thought I'd post something that made me laugh when I read it. Those of you who love words will enjoy this. Let me know your favourites.

abdicate to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

balderdash a rapidly receding hairline

bustard a very rude bus driver

carcinoma a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog

circumvent the opening in the front of boxer shorts

coffee a person who is coughed upon

esplanade to attempt an explanation while drunk

flabbergasted appalled over how much weight you have gained

flatulence the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

gargoyle an olive-flavored mouthwash

lymph to walk with a lisp

Macadam the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible

negligent describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie

oyster a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions

rectitude the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he or she examines you

semantics pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers

testicle a humorous question on an exam

equator a menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

germinate to become a naturalized German

momentum what you give a person when they are going away

planet a body of Earth surrounded by sky

rhubarb a kind of bloodshot celery

vacuum a large, empty space where the pope lives

arachnoleptic fit the frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web

beelzebug Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out

bozone the substance surrounding stupid people, which stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

burglesque a poorly planned break-in

cashtration the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

caterpallor the color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating

decafalon the gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

Dopeler effect the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly

foreploy any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex

giraffiti vandalism spray-painted very, very high

glibido all talk and no action

hipatitis terminal coolness

ignoranus a person who's both stupid and an asshole

inoculatte to take coffee intravenously when you are running late

intaxication euphoria at getting a refund from the ATO, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with

Karmageddon It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.

osteopornosis a degenerate disease

reintarnation coming back to life as a hillbilly

sarchasm the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it

tatyr a lecherous Mr. Potato Head