Saturday, January 8, 2011

how much is one life worth?

I read an article this morning about a couple who aborted healthy twin boys, because they're so anxious to have a girl after losing a daughter soon after birth.
If you want the full story, go take a look at the article (but don't read the comments, some of them are pretty hideous.)

I've lost a child myself, a little boy. And did I want another? you bet your ass I did. I seriously understood how people could snatch a baby and run, or steal one from a hospital.
(I didn't really take one. Just saying.)

So I get that deep need for a child.

What I don't get is the logic here. They lost one child and miss her so much that they terminate two others? Nuh. Not seeing it.

I guess this is where the whole termination issue becomes so murky.
It's hard to make laws governing termination, because every person and every situation is different.
Fabio and I had to talk about this when we fell pregnant with The Princess.
I turned 40 that year, and there is already a history of spina bifida type problems in my family.
We talked about whether we could cope with a disabled child, and at what point would the disabilities become too great for us?
I have nothing but sympathy for parents having to decide what they can and can't cope with, because there is no win-win situation. Everyone loses, somehow.

But deciding on gender?

I don't know..... seems to me that this couple needs counselling before they make any more decisions.
Any grief counsellor would tell you that they've clearly not healed from their daughters' death.
Most experts recommend you don't make major decisions for at least a couple of years after a loss like a spouse or child, and having been there, I can say that I agree. (I'm sure there are people who need less time, and I'm equally sure there are those who need more.)

And what kind of message does this send to their sons? Kids have a way of applying family problems to themselves.

I'm all for people being allowed to make choices for themselves, without government interference every step of the way -- but maybe this is one area where we should just accept that life is a lottery?



  1. Some people need counseling before they ever have unprotected sex. Unfortunately, that will never happen across the board. The most important job in the world can be had with no qualifications whatsoever.

  2. I might not be so great to make a comment cos I've done the whole IVF rollercoaster, finally got pregnant with twins only to loose one @ 20 weeks. Then to go on and do another IVF course when my first had turned 1 to get pregnant with a baby boy who had a 1 in 52 chance of having Downs. Then to go on and fall pregnant naturally and unknowingly with bubs #3. Born healthy and without a single hiccup all pregnancy. BUT what I do have to say is this couple need some SERIOUS counselling, because not only have they lost a baby but they want to (in my opinion anyway) replace her. You can't replace any child. Nothing can replace that huge hole that is left in your heart, that aches for such a long time and maybe will forever. They have also taken 2 healthy lives. This I just can't comprehend. They were given an amazing gift of 2 babies and they weren't happy with that?? I was happy just to give birth to my first baby and to hold her in my arms. I didn't care what she was, just that she was alive. Nothing will ever replace her twin brother and her 2 brothers that followed will never ease the pain that aches in my heart for the boy I never got to bring home and I will never see grow up.
    They will however, go through counselling, as is mandatory with IVF.

  3. Totally agree!
    The only time I can think that 'choosing'the sex of a child should be considered is if there is some known medical condition.

  4. Jacque, I'm so sorry to hear that. My heart just aches for all parents who've lost kiddies.

  5. I was unlucky to have a miscarriage between my two beautiful girls and i'm positive it was our boy that we lost. I was only ten weeks and will never know but to terminate two ( i'm guessing) healthy baby boys because they are boys and not a replacement daughter is inconceivable. these people certainly do need a lot of counselling.

  6. This is really upsetting. I hadn't heard about this case until now. As someone said above, not only what sort of message does it send to their sons, but how much pressure does it also put on any daughter they might one day have!
    Very sad outcome.

  7. What a mess. If it hurts me this much to read this, it must really cut you to the core, Toni. I see this sort of thing as technology being used for bad, not good.

    I for one would not like to be the next daughter born into a family like that. x

  8. I hope these parents get the serious counselling they need. Terminating healthy twins just because they're boys and not girls? What if the twins had been girls? Would she still terminate one because she only needs one to replace the lost daughter?


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