Friday, February 24, 2012

I'm sorry I'm sorry

*taking a deep breath*

Edens' Fresh Horses Brigade tonight is a stunner. (they all have been)

Edens' post -- What else should I be? all apologies.

Took my breath away, seriously.

Because -- I reckon I've used about 98% of those at some point, or at least thought them.

Seems I was born sorry. I apologise for everything. It drives my husband crazy.

I scrunch myself down when I have to brush past people, to take up less room. I say sorry when someone steps on my foot. I stop peeing in a public toilet so I don't bother the person in the next cubicle.

I have even said sorry for saying sorry so goddamn much!

I used to think I was a serial apologist, but since my husband pointed it out, I see women doing this every day.
We were crossing a busy street last week, and a very pregnant lady who was maybe 10 feet away from my husband DUCKED and said "Sorry!" to him. For what? crossing the street? taking up so much room with her tummy?

It's weird. Why do we do this?

Men don't apologise. They walk where they want, take the last cake, fart and scratch and pee as loudly as they like.

Why do so many of us feel like we have to say sorry all the time? is it ingrained into women by society? is it some kind of get-along-at-all-costs community-building thing? is it a lack of self-confidence?

Tell me what you think.


  1. I think its a mixture of all of those things that you mentioned... and I also think its generational. We saw it, we copied and now we are.
    But we can grow, and change it one not sorry at a time!

  2. I am with you - I say sorry all the time! Someone said to me that it actually 'devalues' it when I apologise for something that I DID DO. But that doesn't stop me from saying sorry all the time, for my own imagined or possible slights, or for others! Its just me :) - and you are just you :)

  3. You are so right in what you have written - unfortunately I have no idea why we apologise as much as we do.
    Have a great weekend !


    Why do we do it? And surely not all people are like us ... there's a lot of arrogant arses walking around, to balance us sorry people out.

    Maybe it's a low self-esteem thing. A "we're not worthy" thing. Drives me nuts - hence my post, I guess. Thing is, if you're sorry for everything, you end up being sorry for nothing.

    When you work it out can you let me know kthks xx

  5. Not sure WHY we do it Toni ... but you are definitely right !!! Men DON'T apologise !!!

  6. You STOP PEEING?? Have you read no-one's post titled shuffle your feet so I (we?)know you're not dead?
    I don't get all the apologising either. I only apologise if I've done something wrong or stepped on someone else's feet...and I certainly don't scrunch myself smaller when out walking, even in a crowd. I'm entitled to my place in the world just as much as anyone. Even you Toni. Stand proud, be who you are, with no apologies. Have to go and read Eden's post now...

  7. I do the toilet cubicle thing too Toni! I think that's just being considerate, don't you get embarrassed for the person in the next cubicle who just cuts loose?!

    I used to apologise a lot, but I have just thought about it and realised I seem to apologise less now. Can't recall when or why it slowed down. But I'm glad it did. :)

  8. I totally relate to the scrunching your shoulders when passing people. I look down too, turn sideways to accomodate their passing better.

    I love your term, "serial apologist".

    I think the constant saying sorry partly has to do with the smooth running of society. We are so crowded in on each other, their is no personal space and we are, on some level aware of this.
    Your other explanations sound right on, too!

  9. I like your take on this prompt. Why, indeed? Here's one I notice myself doing: If I am a pedestrian and cars are waiting to turn, I find myself feeling apologetic for making them wait. If I am the driver and pedestrians are in the road, I feel apologetic for making them nervous as they hurriedly cross the street.

  10. Food for thought, I do this too even without realizing it. Women are so sacrificial, what gives? We don't want to rock the boat I guess. Really great post thank you.

  11. I work with a serial apologiser.....I only have to open the door to work and she's already saying sorry! It's just how she rolls. We're all a bit the same x

  12. You are so right, for me I sometimes say sorry, when what I actually what to say, is HEY YOU why are am I the one saying sorry

    The apology reflex it is weird

  13. I am with you on this:-) I say sorry like it is about to go out the window sometimes i wanna times myself ,how much i actually say the 5 letter word! Really.
    And for the record my man never says the word Grrrr!!!

  14. Absolutely! I have no idea, but I too am a serial apologiser. Why do we do it?!

  15. I believe it's deep ingrained patterns passed down through history of how men treat women and vice versa.. that's a start to the answer! It's low self esteem, it's being taken advantage of, it's so many things. I'm hearing you! x

  16. "I was born sorry"
    Oh man, I'm with you all the way there.

  17. I'm with you.
    I am irritating when I'm on a sorry rampage - I know, but it's almost involuntary - like a damn reflex.
    :-) xx

  18. The things we apologise for...

    I think there are lots of reasons for it - partly gender, partly generational, and a dash of low self-esteem.

    But whatever the reason, we need to stop and do it only when the occasion warrants it x

  19. Its about self esteem. For me, at least. We do say sorry a lot, dont we? Yet when it comes time to do the meme, I totally freaked and thought "i cant write about all of the things i am truly sorry for".

    Great angle to take on the meme.


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