Saturday, February 18, 2012

why I blog. More Fresh Horses.

I first started blogging back in .... ohhhhh a long time ago. 2008.

I was living in a horrible place, far away from my sisters, and I kept forgetting who I'd told about that cute thing the kids said and my sisters were getting all up in my face about it.

So I started the blog just so I could keep everyone up to date with mummy milestones and photos.

Somehow I stumbled across a few bloggers who actually wrote, and it was like a light went on. I could CONNECT! with PEOPLE!! who THOUGHT!!! and didn't need their dinner cut up for them!!!!

Let me tell ya, for a lonely woman living in Dreary Town in the desert, the Internet was like manna from Heaven. (Whatever manna is.)

I found Sleepless Nights, and Wanderlust, and Maxabella, and suddenly I had a community at my fingertips.
I had ideas and perspectives presented to me, some of which changed my attitudes. Through those few starter blogs, I found more and more women, some just like me, some very different, all of us living and learning and looking to connect.

On my own blog, I had to consider seriously how I would present myself, what I would talk about and where I would draw the line. I still mess that up from time to time, but I try to keep things as real as possible under some fairly serious constraints. Because of exes and other assorted crap, a lot of what goes on in my life has to stay under the radar. Some of it would hurt others, some of it would probably cause us endless drama.
I came up with my tagline -- the stuff I would tell you over coffee -- and I try to keep that as my guideline. I don't know you very well. If I wouldn't tell you this face-to-face, maybe I shouldn't broadcast it over the net?

Right now, there's a lot going on that involves my kids and step-kids. I can't talk about that here, and for some reason, that keeps me from faffing on about other stuff. I feel blocked. The words I can't say are damming the words I could.

Many, many times I've thought about shutting the blog down. Usually after I read some stellar post by one of my favourites, and I think, FUCK I am NEVER going to be able to write like that.

And always, someone I never knew was there will say, OH! I read your blog every day, and I love it. Don't stop.

I'm stunned and humbled, every time. (also amazed)

I think women are community builders by nature. We support and encourage one another, to build stronger and better places.
I know there's a lot of bitching that goes on elsewhere on the net, but I never see it. I purposefully avoid the sites that promote that behaviour, and try not to get caught up in controversy.
Because I want to see the best in the people I read. I want to hear how they're growing, what they're learning, I want to be stunned by their truth and be cheering for them as they move on.
I want to be inspired and awed and welcomed.

And I get that, every day.

If you want to join this meme, call over to Eden's place, and link up. You'll find some good reading if you follow the comments through, as well.
And here are my latest loves...
Gappy Tales sarcasm served smokin' hot
Writing Without Pay Jayne should be paid. Lots.
Mum On The Run Shar is gorgeous, even if she does make me feel like a complete sloth.


  1. I give myself fairly strict guidelines in what I can and cannot say. I slip up sometimes. I like to use my blog as my vent space, but there is so much I dont say, because I'm trying to stay as Anonmymous as possible for personal reasons (again, something I cant publish BECAUSE of those reasons.

    Having the restraints make it harder, but I also think you write some AWESOME stuff.

  2. I'm really glad you're blogging, even if there are things you can't talk about right now.


  3. So many great links, another fab idea from Eden....loving Gappy Tales :)

  4. Don't you dare stop blogging, Toni! You were one of my first bloggy friends and I think your writing is wonderful. You write just as you are and that's fantastic.

    Sorry you're going through lots of stuff you can't blog about right now. That stuff is never good stuff so I'm thinking of you. x

  5. Hey, thank you so much for this wealth of new reading material! There's loads of blogs here I hadn't heard of so I'm really looking forward to checking them out.

    Thank you very much for the link as well. It feels great to know you like my stuff. xxx

  6. Isn't it amazing what blogging can do for you? (for us)... I hope you never give it up. And I hope you find a good place soon. I'm sure the world can't wait to hear you. x

  7. Also can I just say thank you for leaving the link to Edenland on my last post. I went over and had a read and she is right up my street.

    Don't stop blogging Toni. We humans need our creative outlet of choice. And you would be missed. Keep writing.x

  8. Gappy, meet Eden. Eden, meet Gappy.
    I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship!

    Deb, thanks! good to see you here.

    Bron, you gorgeous thing. There should be an Awesome Redheads Club.
    I'm always so pleased when you visit and leave a comment, cos I know your time is short.

    Mrs Savage, thanks for dropping by. I've LOVED your posts and am glad Eden 'introduced' us.

    V -- thanks. x

    and Chik -- XXX I hear you.

  9. Hey there,
    Yep - don't you dare stop!!
    I'm sorry you're feeling stifled at the moment and I sincerely hope it all works out okay.
    Thank you very muchly for the unexpected shout out - humbled.
    :-) xxx

  10. I have restraints on my blog too.when I started I promised the kids I would never write specific things about them nor put up photos without their permission. so my stuff is mostly fluff and photos, nothing deep and meaningful.
    I like reading your posts Toni, please don't stop writing.

  11. Toni .. DON'T STOP !!!!! I would miss you terribly !!!!!

  12. Toni, tonight is the first time I've stumbled across your blog and I'm so thankful. Hope to check in regularly over several cups of coffee xxx

  13. The internet is so lovely for connecting with people on your own wavelength, especially when you have teenies at home. It's a nice community.

  14. I blog because my mom died young and if I follow in her footsteps I want my son to be able to visit my blog someday and see how much his mama loved him and that she was a pretty cool person, as well. I wish my mom had a blog before she passed. That would be the bees knees.

    I'm sorry you are dealing with things in your life that you can't share with the blogging community. I've found so much support here through life's difficulties - but you're right that there are certain things it's just not safe to share. Learning where to draw the line can be difficult.

    Take care and be well. :)

  15. I promise to never go to jail with you if you keep blogging. Is table dancing illegal in Australia?

    There are still ways to write those things that 'reasons' prevent you from sharing. You can put them in a book, change the names, call if fiction, and kill people off in all sorts of fun ways.

    Been there.

    Done that.

    Don't stop blogging.

  16. I hope the stuff going down with the kids passes quickly. It sucks to be weighed down and unable to write about it.

    Anonymous guest post or vent with Dr Bron?

    Thank you for linking to my blog, Toni. The feeling's mutual xxx

  17. As a step mum, I can completley relate. The dramas and shit that goes on, I'd love to be able to sort through on my head in my blog, and I know others would get a lot out of it as well, and we could help each other. But, it isn't to be, and you and I both know why.

  18. Stopping by from Edenland's meme, great blogs you mentioned, fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you

  19. This post is frickin' brilliant.

    When I read this ...
    "On my own blog, I had to consider seriously how I would present myself, what I would talk about and where I would draw the line."

    .. I literally fistpumped the air in front of me.

    And the way the words that you cannot say, block the words that you can? GENIUS TONES. You just named it for me - my god there is so much I cannot blog about. It seeps in, anyway.

    Years ago, I didn't know why I was blogging, really. It just seemed ... silly. So I'd stop, and after about a week, I'd get an email, or a comment .. someone was checking in, to say hi and they love reading my blog. THAT kept me going. And THAT is enough ... just a few readers. Your regulars, the ones you really could sit down and have a coffee with, in real life.

    By the end of reading this post I had tears in my eyes ... probably because I can sense you, the person, right there in your words. Blogging is so powerful because it connect humans to other humans. We need that, man.


    (PS STILL laughing at the salt plains.)

  20. Wow. Well said. <3

  21. Eden, I frickin' love you, man.

    and Kate -- thankyou. Really.

  22. Toni, I love that we found each other through our blogs. One day, we WILL sit down and have a coffee together and talk about all the things we can't say on our blogs.

    And I so get that the unsaid words block all the others. It works that way with me too. Which is why I stopped blogging for a while. When I feel safe with my words again, I will return.

    Love you girl. xo

  23. I love the design of your blog. It feels so personal and homey. I, too, have to deal with an ex-family and that is why I keep my name out of it.

  24. thanks for stopping by and giving me some blog love, I am loving the way that we are all linked through Eden and her Fresh Horses brigade

    Take care, and keep blogging x


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